I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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