i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
