the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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