Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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