I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
