My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
