I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
