I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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