Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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