I cannot find my penis.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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