Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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