I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
