people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
