I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
