Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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