Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
A bitchslap is in order.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize