You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
