I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
