i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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