Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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