i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
