went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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