I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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