my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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