I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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