All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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