my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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