Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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