Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
