He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
