Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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