I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
