if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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