just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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