Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
