i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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