my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
