Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i think im in europe. pls send help
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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