They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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