Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
