All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
