so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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