so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
