do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
