Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
