how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
