I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
