He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
