After last night, I could never be a politician.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
