I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
