I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
how can u be prego again
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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