Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
