I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
