On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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