At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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