tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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