I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
