Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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