Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
