how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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