Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She bit a glass in half.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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