Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
