She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she told me i tasted like america
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
