If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
