in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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