woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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