We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
