he wants to bone in the snuggie
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
