so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
