I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
