He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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