i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
