Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
