If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
