Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
