so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
