Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
