When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
