her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
