His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
