WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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