Christians are straight up FREAKS
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
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last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
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It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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