I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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