I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
