shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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