i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
