apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
