well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
